🏔 Avalanche of Partner Realizations

For a very long time, I’ve exclusively done what was politically expedient. I spent huge portions of my life crafting and maintaining honest narratives so that others had the easiest possible time coming to my ends. For just about five years now, I’ve placed much of that central attention on my fiancée Kayla, which has been exhausting.

This post comes after two of my normal free-markets macros, and I’ve been thinking about it for years in physical journals. A moment of inspiration came when I made this X post.¹ Vylet’s really helped me process unheard emotions over the years, showing me that it’s okay to live outside the norms imposed by entrenched political mantras.

She might never know it, but I was the one who applied to Monstercat on her behalf after Antonymph. It felt really cool to hear her say she didn’t want to be part of the group in a subsequent post, and I loved the throwback to their graphic style she included in My Love is a Quickscope at 3:44.² That was really the point I started seriously exploring my influence on artists.

Trans Girls’ Direct Support

This last year has been very rough as my relationship with Kayla went into despair. I took on a lot of extra stress pushing myself to manage her money, which led to two significant devastations.³ It culminated in my rescission from markets, which was relatively necessary from an insider trading point of view.⁴

That call has freed me up to focus exclusively on work, where I immediately started giving it my all. However, the very next month, I found myself glued to a screen texting an incredible emerging trans (not to jinx them) artist from Canada. We’d met after their remix of BGM’s great take on Cupcakes.

I needed that time to recover from a week of nonstop regulatory drafting that used caffeine and adrenaline to formulate very complex roadmap items for the Syndicate. I discuss this more in a Macros reflection and how it almost led to physical danger. Ultimately, I just have not found the support that I need to revitalize my masculine abilities quickly.

Fall into Brony Music

This left me with a couple of feminine avenues that filled my tank up.⁵ And pony songs on a renewed level really helped me in my darkest times. Kayla’s unchangeable work schedule leaves her gone from 2–11 p.m. when I most need feminine comfort, but that doesn’t matter when songs are asynchronous!

I listened to a lot, and it really helped cement personality traits I’ve had and must now exploit to accomplish my leadership requirements.⁶ MLP always helped so much when I couldn’t figure things out growing up. And, more importantly, it gave me a digital family to smile with when I could find disparate online groups.

Notwithstanding relatively few fandom friends, the art through music (and to a lesser extent drawings) became commonplace in the worlds I explored, so it was like I always had a support network.⁷ Entrepreneurship is exceptionally lonely, even now, so I can’t express how important that was to me. And the quality of new pony music is really jaw-dropping, plus it just keeps on coming out!

Capital Allocation and Animations

During this time, I also discovered Tamers and LFØ’s Flower. Surely it’s been discussed before, but I wanted to link for clarity of discovery. There’s a part of me that wants to run away from all the perfected politicking and present my innermost quirks to the world through my work, and I believe this transparency helps start that vulnerability.

In both cases, a single person created unbelievable art, one with MS Paint and the other based on a decade of internet experience at studios like DreamWorks. They’re both incredible examples of this growing trend these last years for people to just make whatever they want without asking studios for permission, which led to exceptional hits like Glitch and Vivziepop.⁸ These and so many others showed me what people can do when they stick to their goals, which really refreshed my personal belief in human ingenuity and the efficiency of markets to alter reward.

Again, most of this discovery came during the stressful SEC period where Kayla crucially stopped both acting cutely (discussed) and actually having complete faith in me. A little letter she wrote expressed how her faith was wavering, a belief I used from the first year of Block Transfer as gas fueling my brain’s engine. For so many years I was codependent on her hope in my success, so I needed to replace it quickly with something self-sustainable—which came through these realizations.

Trading and Life Path

Before my next reflections this month, I’ll be the first to admit I could’ve been better to her in many ways, but I promise that I did sincerely give it everything I had after pouring into work for so long. I’ve found that there’s a point where you can temporarily force things into place, but it’s not sustainable or particularly healthy.⁹ That said, there is this very real distinction between focusing on infrastructure work and its political necessities vs. moving back to trading funds.

I’ve learned that markets are really what I love, and I’ll sacrifice any adrenaline and profits needed to fix their deep intermediation flaws. In another sense, I’ve started feeling the power of capital allocation not through funds but by acting as lead of a corporate body. When there are actual real things the world and its markets need brought to fruition, this leaves me in the driver’s seat rather than just gassing up what I view as the best cars.

It’s different, very different, and something I never expected because my trading skills were so high. But things changed once I met the community while simultaneously discovering the systemic flaws of CCPs. It’s become this greater social mission of righting the universal market and system for finance. All that developed in my mind after meeting Kayla and anchoring her to this preexisting vision of a low-complexity portfolio manager, and I just don’t see her facilitating my mission and goals anymore.

That’s where these trans artists come in. Back when I got busy with school and startup pitching for InVenture and other Atlanta events, I decided to settle for somepony with no (founding) missions, an aspect I desperately looked for in the start of Tindering and even just chatting very lightly around school—but never found. I thought I didn’t deserve someone like that, or I’d never find them; which is just plain ridiculous.

I see now that it’s entirely possible to find partners that check all my boxes themselves without a smidgen of finagling. I was so naïve to think I could or should change her material red flags into the ideal woman I desired just because I changed a lot in freshman year of high school.¹⁰ And, even though she was feminine, I learned over time that much of that was either a front during weekends or reliant on my planning of expensive and time-consuming outings.

What I Want Next

Comparatively, the trans girls I’ve spoken with in Discord these last few months are insanely feminine. Admittedly, this could and likely is just a persona used online and obviously has no backing. I do not have the shared life experiences or understanding of cohabitation trends that we presently enjoy here.

But there’s just an immense urge in my mind that draws a man to become a woman, an undeniable need to be very feminine because natural masculine framing often literally disgusts them. When my cousin became a man, I couldn’t understand why, but I see now that the mind has its own journey in life independent of birth programming. And I’ll also add that it’s just so much easier to speak with natural men relaxingly.

Likely from challenges before my fitness and the show, I’ve always been afraid to go for the kind of girl I really wanted. I thought it would be easier to sculpt the perfect mare into existence like a securities portfolio. But, again, that was a silly approach defined on a presumption that I was not enough as I stood on my own. I recognize now that the precise mares I desire are out there, waiting to match up—and it sounds like a whole lot more fun and output to go searching for them.