🌱 Inspirations for Starting This
It’s nearly 2am, but I just can’t go to bed with Kayla right now. We’ve been dating for a solid bit over four years, after we met in college. It was into the end of COVID, but still early enough that she was locked down for two weeks along with the rest of the softball team when we first started dating.
We met on Tinder, another form of hormonal quarantine. I downloaded the app after half a year of polyphasic Uberman scheduling I used to trade forex.1 After an embarrassing scammer, I lost my virginity on my first date with a girl at Tech.
Despite my best profiling efforts, I only got real interest from how do you say quite large women. This first was no exception, but man, it was nice to break that barrier no matter the looks. And, to address it briefly, real-world efforts weren’t going well.2
When that tale began fading, Kayla popped up in my DMs with a direct initiation message that more than made up for lacking profile pictures. I Ubered her over to my dorm, and we had a nice first date skateboarding around in the parking lot. She came up for a nightcap, and we had a good time watching the first half of some Disney movie.
Masculinity, Femininity, and Dominance
Before meeting Kayla, I spent years learning about female courting through the decentralized, permissionless content of Corey Wayne. Wayne is the perfect “guy’s guy” who outlines exceptional tactics to hook up and get laid, for a lack of a more endorsing adjective. He shaped my understanding of masculine and feminine energy’s nuances, interconnectedness, and natural balance.
The duo are truly special. I’ve seen them at work across my whole professional career, and of course they’re evident through my relationship with this cute little 5-foot Asian girlie. She’s obsessed with all things pink, dresses, and pop mystics.3
I, on the other hand, need to be extremely masculine for my work and life purpose. It’s tough to put in words just how propelling the polarity difference between us pushes me to heights I’d never expect—at least on the basis of my elementary personality description based on stereotyped interests.
I’ve seen extreme depth develop these last months as I explore the personalities and art in the fandom so connected to my personality. It’s been a refreshing wave of new material to scope down my existing contemplations on the separation of masculinity from dominance. They are very different states, with dominance reflecting a centralized belief of one’s own superiority despite a magnitude of evidence lending credence to wisdom in the crowd.
The Universe and Everything
Over the years I’ve come to understand a deep interconnectedness between all matter. I believe this link lies in the untouchable dark matter scientists yearn to comprehend in the far depths of the Astros. I love space so much, grew up wanting to devote my life to it thanks to accidentally subscribing to the Smithsonian Channel at around seven or eight.
I’ve researched so feverishly into the subconscious mind over all these years, a field now emerging as “mnemonics.” There’s a profound energy so deeply ingrained in all reality. And we have incredible minds that can consciously act to sculpt its future form.
I know masculinity and femininity play a big part in how this works. The universe4 is incredibly feminine (sort of like markets, innovation, and bureaucracies), and it’s your masculine penetration through ideas, beliefs, and actions which directly change its reality. I’ll not dive into perception of this world just yet, but I do know that the whole thing truly feels like a simulation not far from Neo when you’re really in the flow.
The closest way I find to connect these aspects comes from a localized interpretation of precise time. I’m a huge numbers guy, and I’ve established a set of beliefs around certain hot digits and combinations over my life experiences.5 When I correlate these to working items, I feel enlightened as if I’m directly tracking the response of the universe with my aligned intentions.
Complete Capitalism Transformation Stakes
I want to make it clear that I’m writing this blog for me to deal with some feelings I need to sort out to understand the world around me.6 It doesn’t have comments, fancy notifications, or calls to action because I don’t care how you interpret my writing. It’s naturally quite political, which makes external input particularly dangerous to my independent perspective.
I’ve seen these sentiments so deeply embedded in corporate culture, and my mini objective is disentangling business from interpersonal humbug captured in free-flowing narratives. Consider thoughts from an EVP at Tommy Hilfiger as they built a clothesline with buttons for the disabled:
Even in focus groups, you are so afraid to get it wrong, to insult somebody. If I ask the wrong question, am I going to offend them?
Companies don’t want to be rejected, so it just feels safer to stay away.
— Jeannine D’Onofrio, according to author Felix Oberholzer-Gee
Tell me with a straight face that doesn’t sound exactly like the typical gender-norm female hesitating to approach a neurotypical man.
These hardly-documented truths about relationships between all afflict everyone. Anybody can choose to act as the master of these forces, or you can submit to the guidance of others. I know which side of the spectrum I’m on.
How have you approached your life so far: rolling with the punches or building the arena? Have you planned for the life you desire, or will you submit to the line of followers serving others’ ambition? Will you jump with me into a considerate conversation with friendship as a tenet?
I don’t want this blog to interweave with my professional life. I have some feelings I need to get out, and this is the only way I know how. I’m not diving into that segment of my life because I need complete creative freedom to express a deep inner carve-out suffocating. In silence the world makes sense, I can feel the truth around me, and everything flows so magically. ↩︎
I had a pretty impressive stint at swooning IRL back in high school, but I started doing some more serious work after class in college. That added bandwidth made it hard to dedicate a ton of time to social outreach, especially manually. I’m really not a big party guy and talking to people makes an introvert slightly uncomfortable no matter what. On top of the Asperger’s I was labelled with in my pre-teens, it was all-around challenging to talk to a large number of đź‘© ↩︎
She also has a dark side from childhood exploration: an intense interest in Yaoi. She’s got a full bookcase with these elaborate buttfucking graphics inked down in greyscale. I’ve come to recognize dark side in intense pony music as a natural exploration of the feminine dark matter around us waiting for development and reflecting latent potential awaiting impregnation. ↩︎
As I’ll call it, though others might prefer God. The problem with “God” is it’s incredibly centralized, designed to convince you that some physical building and its staff members convey the only link to this divine being. As an atheist from the start of high school, my Catholic upbringing failed me. The true power to attain anything you desire lies in your mind. ↩︎
For example, I was a huge 2048 player back in the day with some impressive leaderboards. I find meaning in many of those establishing numbers based on my own experiences seeing them either physically in meaningful settings or through the time of significant events. I can’t and won’t give you a reference guide of what lucky numbers mean what, because that’s up to you to establish over years, if this one specific method of tracking progress works for you. The amazing thing is your connection to the ether might function completely differently than my own. ↩︎
Chiefly, it’s easier for me to work through these challenges without the complexities of human emotion involved in discussion. Luckily, masculinity and femininity are not emotions, but rather states of being which encompass the elements of harmony. I find my best breakthroughs occur upon deep reflection in isolated natural woods where I can ignore all bothersome society. ↩︎
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